Good day to you and I’d like to personally welcome you to another Turn-Up Thursday where I’ve been using the opportunity to post some of my #ThrowBackThursday posts. And today, I’d like to re-post something I posted about four years back and I’d freely admit that I’ve evolved somewhat in my reasoning pertaining to some issues and in my writing too.
What I’m going to say next is by no means a disclaimer but just to say that I only agree 70% with what I posted as recently as four years ago. The main points are good but, with the benefit of hindsight, it needed more work and a few caveats here and there.
“… And the gangsters pumped bullets at The Mask even as the ever grinning prankster danced and wove in a comical attempt to dodge the bullets. When the gangsters had emptied their magazines, The Mask,with that famous grin of his asked, “Did you miss me?” as he took a sip from the Soda he was holding. As he drank, the Soda gushed out from different parts of his body.
For as many that have never seen the movie, The Mask, played by Jim Carrey, then you need to go watch it. That movie had it all. Real funny. But you guys get why I picked this part of the movie, don’t you?
Without further Ado, let’s get straight to business.
A very lovely friend of mine and a fellow blogger posted a blog a few weeks ago with the same title as I have above. This is the link: http://wp.me/p2aygT-dy.
Her name’s Sally (you can follow her on twitter @toperants) and I love her write ups (or should I say her Rantings). You should read them too.
We talked about the blog and she insisted I write mine. Because I like this title and I like the points she raised, I’ll have to highlight them too… In my own way.
These are the tips to staying married to a ‘Naija’ man:
– Men may be moved by what they see, but the fastest way to their hearts is through their stomach. It’s a well proven fact. No matter how broke you are as a lady, make sure the gas cylinder is always full. If you use Kerosene Stove, all join. But learn how to cook good food. Know your husband’s favorite meal and perfect the art of cooking it. Nice one, Sally.
– Learn to appreciate your husband. No matter the little he does, learn to appreciate him. Go and learn his Oriki (praise singing) from his mum if you have to but do it. Find it easy going on your knees to appreciate him. Even if the gown he bought for you is a Bend Down Gown, Bend down , get on your knees and appreciate him. Infact, try to find a reason to wear that gown out that same day. Every guy no matter the nationality loves to be appreciated. Good one, Sal.
– You ever heard of rainy days? Even as a woman, I don’t care if your name is Mrs Dangote, learn to save money. Don’t use all your money to buy Asoebi or all other frivolities. Yeah we know your guy is rich, but there are times emergencies may crop up and he may not be around. Unless he has a human with a calabash on her head vomiting money which you have access to, your saved cash may just be his best bet then. Show him that you can be relied upon and not just a lady that can spend as much as he makes. You’ll celebrate lots of anniversaries that way.
– I don’t know why Sally didn’t add this to her points, but you know me and my big mouth… You must love your husband’s family…especially your Mother-in-Law!
Yes I said it!
You won’t believe this but they’re some girls out there who won’t marry guys whose mothers are still alive! And these same ones want to have sons too in the future. Anyway, show concern for your husband’s family. Even if they’re jerks, let him see you’re making effort to make things work out with them. He’ll love you more for it.
– Don’t nag your husband. Don’t you ever try that stupid nonsense. The day’s work is hard enough as it is. Never make that mistake. It’s either he’ll kick you out or he’ll leave himself. This tip is key. Don’t Nag him. Instead, PET HIM!
– Be interested in the things that interest him. Show more interest than in just his bank account. Encourage him in his hobbies. He likes football, encourage him to have his friends over and chill the necessary drinks. Learn to tolerate his likes. Don’t always be in his way. In fact find a way to involve yourself in the things he enjoys doing. You’ll be surprised how indispensable you become.
– If the way to a man’s heart is through is stomach, Sex will get you into his heart, head and ultimately his wallet!
Let’s not kid ourselves here… The sex must be good. You’re not supposed to lie down there like a log of wood why the man huffs and puffs on you. You must show you have life! You must take the nigger to places he never imagined. Every style he demands, you must give to him. If he asks for a fellatio, blow it until you take his breath away. I’ve heard it said that giving head is a sin. But trust me, woman, giving your husband a blow-job will send him to heaven and you’ll make heaven too. Keep him sexually satisfied. He’s your husband… He deserves to make heaven.
You disagree with any of my points? Or you wanna add one or two more? Let’s hear your take on it.”
That’s me four years ago, ladies and gentlemen. That was how I understood it.
Now what I need you to do is to share with your friends and also drop your thoughts on the post in the comment section.
I’ll be posting the sequel next #ThrowBackThursday.
So stay tuned.
God bless you.
It’s still your guy @blog_aces on twitter. You can start sending your poems, jokes, stories, articles, posts and whatever you want to email@example.com with the title of email: #WishlistWednesday and I’ll publish them every Wednesdays on my blog on “WISHLIST WEDNESDAY.”
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