Good day to you and I’d like to welcome you to today’s Turn-up Thursday where I’ll be dropping yet another #ThrowBackThursday post.
I wrote this post some years back when I was still green and a little rough with the writing. Thankfully, the idea was present. I trust you’d still enjoy it inspite of all.
Do me a favor and share with your friends if you do. And also, please don’t forget the comments.
“Hey Bisoye ,didn’t I tell you I was going to write about this? Well, I’m keeping to my word. Thanks for that lovely chat.
And I’m not sure I’ll be writing this piece without you, Eniola… You inspired this. By the time I’m done here, you’ll understand.
Let’s get to it, shall we?
For those of you already dreaming about making billions off what I’m about to write about, I’m sorry I’ll have to burst all the 9 bubbles (let’s see who can figure that out)
For those that didn’t watch cartoons as kids, your development is in question. But that’s not the issue here.
Who remembers Popeye? Yes… Anyone? Of course I’m talking about that sailor man with a pipe permanently fixed in his mouth. No matter how beat up the dude is, the moment he grabs some spinach, not sure even Superman can stop him.
And who has heard of the mythical bird called the ‘Phoenix?’
It is said that if this bird dies and it’s thrown into the fire, it emerges fresh, rejuvenated… ALIVE!!!
If you still don’t know where I’m going with all these, then you need to eat ‘Ketchup’ some more.
I’ve just discovered a formula that will reduce the mortality rate of women from whatever figure it is to below 5% and YES! I said it.
It’s a little discovery that we all know about actually but no one pays close attention to so I’m about to bring it to the fore cos I just hate to lose the ladies. *sighs*
So pay attention cos here it is…
Photo by: www.visituzbekistan.travel
Now I know a lot of you are probably hissing by now but too bad you’re missing the point.
If you knew the kind of elixir ‘SHOPPING’ is to ladies, you’ll stop crying over your sick babe or a dead lady.
I had a babe come check on me a while ago and she virtually collapsed on the bed with exhaustion. She needed food and a drink and begged me to go get some take-out for her. I insisted we go together and she begged that she couldn’t move a muscle. We both kept on with the ping-pong until eventually, for the 1st time in my natural life, I triumphed against a lady (and that is saying a lot).
So I half-walked, half-carried her out to where we where gonna get some food but just a few metres from my place, there was this shop where they sell weave-ons, make-up and all manner of female body parts.
She asked that we take a short detour there because she wanted to ask the shop attendant something. As soon as her hand touched the door, the transformation was instant!
I could virtually hear a kind of life form springing up within her. She was instantly everywhere!!! Checking this, haggling that, pointing here, leaving there, hesitating less, laughing more etc. My mouth was agape all through. A turtle would have had all the time in the world to crawl into my mouth, grab a sandwich and crawl out. It was that bad and it took that long. I’ve known that babe for years but I’ve never seen her that ‘Alive.’
A rejuvenated Phoenix… A Popeye with his filling of Spinach.
By the time she was done (or more like by the time my frustration and paleness due to the hunger I felt had gotten to its peak and I had begun to rake) she stepped out of the Shop so we could go eat and was about to relapse into that “I’m so tired and can’t walk” stance but I gave her that “don’t you even dare” look.
All in all,that day. I learnt two (2) valuable lessons
1. Never EVER enter a Shopping Mall with a lady on an empty stomach, if you’re not dead by the time she’s done, you’ll almost wish you were.
2. This is the biggest lesson of all… No matter how to the point of death a lady is, as long as she aint pronounced DEAD yet; whether ill, dying from a bullet wound or even if she was bitten by a green mamba after being run over by a bus, whatever it is… As long as she has at least 1% of life left in her, please and please, just throw her in a Shopping Mall.
She’ll come back to life Instantly.
Hell! We could even make it a campaign; “SAVE A LADY’S LIFE TODAY… THROW HER IN A SHOPPING MALL.”
Our ladies don’t have to die. Just follow this golden rule.
I hope you ladies know I love you so much.
(N.B: Bisoye was a babe I really really ______ but it never happened and Eniola is my friend)
Hope you enjoyed it?
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God bless you.