Did I say last #ThrowBackThursday story was my craziest? I think I may have gotten it all wrong. This takes the cake. This was the post that in some of my friends’ opinions certified me as nuts. I published this four (4) years ago.
So I gotta admit I’m under pressure to post another blog by some of my more consistent followers but I’m a bit stuck cos I’m debating if I should post some of the comments I received on my last two blogposts and then have us all thrash out the issues with your inputs welcome. I assure it’ll be most educative but let’s keep our fingers crossed. Meanwhile, www.blogaces.wordpress.com is a blogsite you might wanna look at and stick with.
To satisfy those that want to read something from me this week, let me gist you what happened some weeks ago. I’ve already tweeted this story to my followers on twitter but I feel I should blog about it. I don’t know why but it’s just what I feel like writing about.
Now, I stay in Iju-ishaga – a suburb in Lagos state- and I work somewhere off Allen Avenue in Ikeja. I resume by 8am so I have to dash out of my house by 7am, take a bus to Ogba and then board another bus straight to Allen. I make it to work by 8 am. Give or take 5 minutes.
But all that changed…
On that fateful day, I didn’t leave home early enough, in fact, I left home very late. I got to Ogba after 8 am and alas! There was a queue at the park for the bus to Allen Avenue. I joined the queue and I was still wondering when those silly buses would show up even as I contemplated taking a bike when the most divine thing happened… It was a babe…
Now, I won’t bother going into details but there was something about that babe… Those beautiful, dreamy eyes; the small, round mouth, the hourglass figure… She had the perfect height, perfect shape, perfect complexion… She was simply PERFECT!
She was wearing this purple top and I prayed to the gods to put her beside me in the bus cos I needed to hear her voice. I was sure that would be the best music I’ll ever hear. As the gods would have it though, we ended up in different buses. I spent most of that day dreaming about that girl in the purple top.
I didn’t run into her again for some days until I saw her at Ogba bus-stop again on another one of those my get-late-to-work days and she was wearing a purple dress and I found her 2 rows behind me. I couldn’t talk to her and my bus-stop was before hers and I desperately needed to talk to that babe. It happened just that way a few days later.
Needless to say I deduced 3 major things.
1. She obviously didn’t work in an office because she seemed to always get to the bus park after 8 am.
2. She seemed to like purple-colored clothing so I knew I had to fabricate a pick-up line around that color.
3. Until I got the babe’s name, her phone nos and her smile, I was never gonna be getting to work early again.
I knew I had to be patient and bid my time and one day, that angel would sit beside me in the bus and if all works according to plan, she’d be ALL MINE.
That day eventually came but I wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t ready for what happened next…
I got to the bus park that day and I went to sit in the back seat of that 14-seater bus that we ‘Lagosians’ call ‘Danfo.’ I was the last person to complete that row so the lady that was close to the window on the right shifted to the window so I sat beside her and two others at the left side. I glanced at the lady sitting near the window on my right and my breathing stopped. My heart hesitated and I almost choked on my tongue!
There she was!!! The answer to my prayers. The gods finally smiled on me. I was sitting BESIDE this wonder of a being.
It was time to act fast.
Problem 1: I belong to this class of guys who when we hook up with babes we aren’t too crazy about, we can tell them anything and how we feel but when we’re in the presence of babes that absolutely drive us bonkers, we either can’t find our tongue or when we manage to, it gets heavier than Lead.
Problem 2: While I was still thanking God for this blessing, the bus started moving and I had just about 25 minutes to psyche myself, talk to her and somehow con her name and contacts out of her. Knowing me, I would need 10 minutes minimum to psyche myself. You do the math.
So I psyched myself. I told myself that if I blew this, another opportunity might NEVER show up again. What’s the worst that could happen, right? I remembered she seemed to like the colour purple so I put together a purple pick-up line and I turned to face her to start with something in that light…
With the breeze blowing against her divinely sculptured face and hair, she raised her left hand to her face just as I turned to face her. As the hand approached her face, she extended the forefinger as if to rub her eye but it didn’t make it that far. Like a rocket launched into orbit, it aimed for her right nostril… BULL’S EYE!!!
Whatever she was fishing for in there obviously didn’t want to be found as she probed deeper n deeper.
Funny thing was that some moments before, I wanted to pour out my heart, now I was struggling to keep my breakfast back where I put it before leaving home.
When she had navigated that right nostril satisfactorily, she pulled the finger out, put the hand of the window and twiddled her fingers in the manner smokers do when they want to shake burnt tobacco off the stub of their cigarettes. Thereafter, she retrieved the hand and sent that same forefinger into the left nostril this time.
I must add here that as she probed, I could have sworn some tiny particles that fell out from her nose got blown at me by the wind. Whatever it was that made me not to tell her off, I don’t know but what I do know was that I wanted to get out of that bus immediately.
I kept fighting the bile that rose to my throat back until I got to my bus stop. When we got there, I rushed out of that bus with the resolve to stay as far away from that babe as Superman from kryptonite.
I made sure not to look at the babe’s face as I took in as much fresh air as I could for a few minutes after I got down.
I was mentally scarred.
Wow!!! Can you imagine that??? No way am I entering the same vehicle with that babe ever again.
Needless to say I stopped getting to work late from that day.
Now that I think of it… Eeeeewwww!!!!
It’s still your guy @blog_aces on twitter. You can start sending your poems, jokes, stories, articles, posts and whatever you want to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll publish them every Wednesdays on my blog on “WISHLIST WEDNESDAY.”
Send me emails on email@example.com if you have any comment or contributions on my blog or if you think you’ll need me for any services. (Social Media Content Management and Blogging related, please. :D)
God bless you.