N.B.: If you’re seriously into semantics, I’m afraid I’m going to ask you to look away because this is not going to be your gig.
Bachelors and Chronic Bachelors are similar but to a certain degree if you ask me. One is by and large an extension of the other and it’s possible for a man to become a bachelor without getting to be a chronic bachelor. You have to be a Bachelor first before you graduate to the advanced stage of being a Chronic Bachelor.
How do you know if you’re still a Bachelor and haven’t advanced to being a Chronic Bachelor?
BACHELOR OR CHRONIC BACHELOR
Before the match-up, let me start by stating that the reason for being in that condition is known mostly to God and the man involved.
That is basically where both terms are 100% similar.
Having gotten that out of the way, we can then proceed to those things that make them different and we start with their definition;
DEFINITION: A Bachelor is… well… a bachelor.
That’s the only definition I can give without trying to tell you all what you don’t know already.
A Chronic Bachelor, however, is a Bachelor whose Bachelorhood is tending towards boring (if it hasn’t crossed that threshold already).
You think this difference is slight? You’ll see why not as we go on.
Here we go!
1) The Bachelor enjoys using the Chronic Bachelor to buy time and breathing space whenever people come to ask when he’ll be getting married.
2) When a Bachelor is ready to get married, he calls his single friends to be on the train.
The Chronic Bachelor calls his married friends to be on the train.
3) The Bachelor wants to be on a wedding train. He wants to get the phone numbers of single ladies on the bridal train and anyone he can find.
The Chronic Bachelor has too many ‘train tickets’ already so folks are scared to offer him more. So he won’t feel insulted.
4) The Bachelor is on the wish-list of some eligible ladies in his social circle.
The Chronic Bachelor is on the shit-list of most of the eligible ladies in his social circle.
5) When the Bachelor is broke, his solution is money. When he’s sick, his solution is drugs. When he’s hungry, his solution is food etc etc etc…
When the Chronic Bachelor is broke, his solution is ‘Go & Marry,’ when he’s sick, his solution is ‘Go & Marry,’ when he’s hungry…
6) When newly-weds are having their thanksgiving in church, people expect the Bachelors to go rejoice with them so it’ll happen to them.
Chronic Bachelors don’t go to church on such Sundays. They’ve stepped out too often it’s now boring.
7) Conversation involving Bachelor:
Guy: Hey, Bach. Who’s that hot babe you were just speaking with? Is she the one?
Bachelor: Nah. That’s my co-worker. Just sorting out my work ish.
Guy: Oh cool. So what’s up with you these days…
Conversation involving Chronic Bachelor:
Guy: Hey, Chron. Who’s that hot babe you were just speaking with? Is she the one?
C.B.: Nah. She’s my cousin. Just discussing some family ish.
Guy: Leave that matter! She aint your blood sister naa! She’s good for you! Marry her!
C.B.: She’s too fat for me.
Guy: So what?! She’ll lose weight when you marry her. Take her to the gym, diet and there are these pills…
C.B.: She’s older than me.
Guy: Leave that thing! Na age you wan chop? She’ll get younger when you marry her. I have the app on my phone…
8) Mother’s address to Bachelor: My son, make sure you find a good girl from a good home to marry because I want to see you settle down and also see my grand kids. You’re not getting any younger.
Mother’s address to Chronic Bachelor: My son, all these girls that you’re chasing around, can’t you find one to impregnate? My back is big enough. Better settle down because you’re getting old!
9) When people ask a Bachelor when he’ll be getting married and he says ‘soon,’ they believe him.
When people ask a Chronic Bachelor when he’ll be getting married and he says ‘soon,’ they laugh with him.
10) Bachelor Quote (B.Q.): “He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the lord.”
Chronic Bachelors Quote (C.B.Q.): “When the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable.”
11) On the Bachelor’s wedding day, as many as can make it of all the invited guests show up to grace the event.
On the Chronic Bachelor’s wedding, EVERYONE is there whether invited or not. Of course, who doesn’t want to show up at an event they’d given up hope of them witnessing in their lifetime?
12) Bachelors get invited to and attend Bachelor’s Eves.
Chronic Bachelors get invited to and attend Child Dedication, Child Baptism. One year olds birthday parties etc.
Now that you’ve seen the symptoms of bachelorhood and chronic bachelorhood, as an unmarried guy, which category do you belong?
Kindly share any other symptoms that I may have missed so we can all laugh over it.
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I really appreciate you for reading this.
God bless you.