THE PARENTS’ TRAP

When I was in Primary 5, my dad prevented me from going on a boat cruise excursion.

For days after we were informed about the excursion, I could think of nothing else. We had gone on so many excursions back then and not even the excursion to a popular confectionery could top this one. I had excitedly told my dad about it and as per usual, we were supposed to pay a token for the excursion but my dad didn’t utter a word. For over a week, he never said anything when I asked for the money. On the day of the trip, a Saturday, I was not allowed to even go to school. I was the ONLY ONE in my class that didn’t make that trip. The next Monday, I saw pictures of all the fun they had which served to fuel my bitterness towards my dad. For years, there was no time I remembered that incident that I didn’t get angry with my father. You could call it for want of closure but I never understood why he would deny me that class trip.
Now that I’m a lot older, I wonder what call I’d make if my little boy, my only son I might add, came to ask for my permission to go on a boat cruise with his class. It took me decades later to understand why my dad made that call.

Way I see it NOW, a living son with bitter feelings far outweighs sweet memories of a dead son.

I now realise how childish and stupid I was back then. I’m not saying this because I finally have a kid of my own (I actually don’t have one YET) but because now I understand life better and experience what it feels like to love kids as I’ve come to enjoy so much chemistry with little kids these days so you can imagine when I bear mine in my arms, I now see things a lot more clearly.

As recent as just a couple of days ago, I remembered the missed excursion again but this time around, I wondered what would be my call if I’d have had to wait five (5) years after marriage to finally have my first child and then when the kids start coming, I had just a boy sandwiched between two girls then just a few years later, that boy (or any of the girls for that matter) comes home to tell me he wants to go on a boat-cruise excursion with his class to ‘Snake Island.’

I know what my call will be 20 times out of 10.

Now I’m not saying those that permitted their kids love their kids less. God forbid.
I’m just saying we all have different ways of expressing things and reacting to situations and my dad acted based on his capacity to express and a belief system life had dealt him and the key thing at play here is LOVE which my little mind couldn’t grasp then. (I’ve not even fully grasped it even now)

I’m really sorry for the bitterness that lingered but how could I know to understand unsaid words and to trust my parents to always do what they felt was best for me?

Same way, let us try all we can to understand to a certain extent why people make the decisions they make as it’ll help in some way to nullify bitterness where actions were taken out of love.

Sometimes, good intentions shouldn’t line the road to hell.

Thank you for reading.

Was there any instance when your parent(s) made a decision that really hurt you and left you bitter back then that you appreciated them for later? Kindly let’s trade memories.

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