Now whatever you think you know about wedding types in Naija, I’ll kindly recommend you throw it in the trash can right about now.
Okay, that was a joke. Don’t throw it away. Just keep it carefully stowed away somewhere safe and out of sight. I know you think you know a lot about weddings already but please, for the sake of any of my posts that you might have enjoyed, kindly indulge me as I run you through the ways to get married in this our Naija.
I won’t deny that you’ll be seeing all the types of weddings that you definitely know about but you’ll also be reading about some wedding types you never thought of.
You don’t believe me? You know I always deliver, right?
Let’s not forget that this is just highlighting the different types and not explaining them so I’ll keep this short. Okay, let’s do this!
THE ONES YOU KNOW…
TRADITIONAL WEDDING: This needs no introduction (No pun intended). This must have been how weddings were conducted before the whites made a clean sweep. It’s different from region to region and tribe to tribe. It involves the family; it’s usually very colourful and contains various ceremony and rites. It’s always very fun and one of the most informal types of wedding.
COURT WEDDING: This for me is one of my personal favourites. The ceremony is kept to a minimum. It’s always short and straight to the point. And it’s actually the most valid in Naija if you ask me. Just pop in quietly with a couple of witnesses and you guys are married before you know it. Swell!
CHURCH WEDDING: Aha! With the bride in white and looking as lovely as the stars, this is the dream of most Christians. They get blessed by the priest and that is an endorsement of their union in the heavens. It’s always so divine until they get to that heart-wrenching and dreaded part where the priest says “Anyone here who has a reason why the couple shouldn’t be joined in wedlock should speak now or forever hold their peace.”
Everyone wish the priest would skip that part but no way is that going to happen. Reason why a lot of peeps are still single. (Laughter)
ISLAMIC WEDDING: It’s also called Nikkah and I really like that name.
The ladies are elegantly dressed with their heads covered in a veil and all that and the grooms are not left out as they are also gorgeously dressed with turbans on their heads (It sure looks like a turban to me).
The Imam conducts the ceremony and it’s always quite an interesting sight.
And don’t miss the ‘henna’ that the brides paint on their hands and feet to protect themselves from the evil eye. (Winks)
AND THE ONES YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF…
HANDOVER WEDDING: This particular one never ceases to amuse me but it’s real.
Let me paint a scenario;
So this middle aged man is seated at home watching TV or reading a newspaper or whatever it is middle aged men at a level slightly lower than middle class do. Then his wife suddenly rushes in with a crying 19 years old daughter who immediately gets on her knees a safe distance from the father.
“Baba Nike, this stupid girl has gone to get pregnant for one stupid boy!” The wife announces.
After slapping the name of the person responsible out of Nike, they gather her and her properties to the house of the dude responsible. After declaring that she is now his responsibility, the girl’s parents leaves.
No invites, no ceremonies, no parties, no wedding planner, no thing.
Marriage / Handover ceremony is complete.
TRANSPORT WEDDING: If you’re one of those born with a silver spoon and you still have it wedged firmly in your mouth, then you probably haven’t been married this way. But for those that have spent quite a considerable amount of their lifetime jumping buses whether it’s the big guys (molues) or ’danfos,’ chances are you’ve been wedded off this way before. This type is the only type of wedding that happens between people of same sex so whoever it is that is enforcing the anti-same sex marriage bill will want to pay attention to this. This is how it happens;
You know that moment when you arrive at your destination and the conductor doesn’t have change? Like if you’re supposed to collect fifty bucks change and that guy/lady beside you also has to get fifty bucks change and the conductor doesn’t have fifty bucks but he has a hundred bucks. Remember those times, right? What does he do?
He marries you guys off.
He gives the money to both of you and asks you guys to sort yourselves out. In transport parlance, that’s the two of you marrying each other.
Has to be counted as a type of wedding in Naija, right? After all, ‘marriage na marriage.’
So you can pick whichever one suits your style.
This is totally half-hearted and meant to make you smile or laugh depending on your sense of humour. You don’t have to take my word for it.
Enjoy the weekend!
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