Artwork by: ‘godz’
“Where did she go, Eddie?”
Without even turning from the T.V. screen he was looking at, Eddie replied dryly “She went upstairs to her room.”
“To her room?” Sam asked in a loud voice and then kept silent for a while as he sorted out all the conflicting thoughts going through his mind. In a calmer voice, he spoke again; “Erm, Eddie, so erm… what did she say about the issue at hand? I mean, she couldn’t just have walked away in the middle of an issue like this. She would have said something.”
“If my memory serves me right, she said No. But then she seemed to change her mind and said she’ll go through with it but she listed some conditions.”
“And what conditions are those?” Sam asked.
At this, Eddie turned to face him and replied, “You’ll have to ask her that yourself. But I suggest you do that later cos she doesn’t wanna see anyone now.”
“Now that’s a truckload of bullshit!!!” Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. “I’m going to talk to her and I’m going to get answers!”
Eddie simply shrugged and then said “As you wish. I’ve told you what she’ll have me tell you. Whatever you decide to do, you’re on your own. Buena Fortuna.”
Sam headed straight for the stairs as Eddie turned his attention back to the programme he was watching. Sam told himself that he just couldn’t understand that bespectacled buffoon. How could he sit there and watch cartoons while Andrea acted like she was the one wearing the trousers in the house. Eddie could take all the bullshit for all he cared but he was having none of it. The buck stops with him. He was going to get an answer out of Andrea and he was not going to be beaten into submission.
He knocked on Andrea’s door and waited. No response. He tried opening but it was locked so he banged on the door again.
“Sam, I just knew that had to be you.” Andrea responded from inside but didn’t open the door. “Please leave me alone. I need some time to myself.”
“But that’s where the problem is. I need to talk to you, Andrea. Please open the door and let’s talk.”
“I said No. I don’t wanna talk to you or anyone now. I need some ‘me’ time and I don’t appreciate you disturbing me right now.”
“Look, babe, this is an issue we can and should discuss and resolve amicably. We don’t have to go this route. I mean, let us…”
“I’m sure you have all your five senses working, Sam!” Andrea interrupted him with a cry. “And one of those senses is your sense of hearing. I will not have this conversation now so I suggest you get out from back there and leave me alone or else I’ll do or say something we’re both gonna utterly regret.”
Sam was shocked to silence. He thought of saying something else to calm the situation but thought better of it. He left Andrea’s door and walked to his room.
2hours, a long period of self pity, drinking and an alcohol induced nap later, Sam came out of his room feeling more depressed than he had ever been in a while. He hadn’t taken too much alcohol so why did his head feel so woozy. His mouth actually felt dry. He strolled downstairs hoping the walk would make him feel a little better. He headed straight for the kitchen, poured himself a glass of ice-cold water from the dispenser and gulped it down greedily. He poured himself another glass as he walked out of the kitchen and towards the sitting where Eddie had not seemed to move from where he left him. He sat down heavily on the chair and took a sip from his water.
Eddie on his part simply allowed himself to be distracted as he studied Sam for a moment then turned back to what he was watching.
“Hmmm… Even Ben 10 left you sitting there.” Sam said with a sneer. “Why not have a little dignity and hand over the remote control so that I can watch something REAL MEN tend to watch?”
“How did your little talk with Andrea go, Sam.” Eddie asked seemingly oblivious to what Sam had said. “I’ll bet you pissed her off badly. I’m sure you wanna know how I know this. Simple. That’s one area where you’re so good at what you do.”
Sam laughed a mock laugher and said, “If I didn’t know you’re such a pain in the ass, I really might have liked your smart ass comments.”
“Lucky me then.”
Sam contemplated Eddie for a short while and he decided he had to try what he had decided to do.
“Look, Eddie. I’ll need you to hear me out for once.” Sam said and Eddie had to sit upright. It was obvious that what he had just heard Sam say had thrown him off balance. Sam continued.
“What I’m about to say is that what we’re both asking Andrea for is perfectly reasonable. I mean, we’re talking kids here and all that and I’m sure we both want our kids. So we’re well within our rights and I think we should stand for it and not let Andrea use her emotions to out-muscle us on this one.”
“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”
“What the fuck has that got to do with anything?” Sam barked.
“Dunno. You really beginning to sound reasonable. I think I can live better around you when you’re drunk.” Eddie smiled.
Sam gave him a glare in return.
Eddie wiped the smile off his own face, adjusted his glasses and leaned forward. “So why are you telling me all these, Sam? And what do you propose? An ‘Us’ vs ‘Her’ situation, right? Is that what you’re proposing.”
“I’m not exactly putting it that way but if that’s how best you understand it then fine. I’m saying we form a united front and put it across to her that that’s what we want. We need it. We deserve it is all I’m saying.”
Eddie sat back and seemed to think for a moment. The next time he leaned forward to speak, Sam saw the steely look in his eyes.
“Why would I wanna form a tag team with you on this matter or any matter at all? If you ask me, this is a personal issue. I address it my way and you do the same.”
“Yes. But if we don’t go together, as a last minute measure, Andrea will start to bounce us off each other. Use me as a shield when you show up and you as a shield when I do. She’ll ask you what I’d think about it whenever you discuss it alone with her and stuffs like that. But if we go face her together, then she’ll know we have her in the corner…”
“Then she’ll fight back, Sam.”
“No she won’t. It might seem that way at first but she’ll back down after a while. They always back down after a while.”
“Well if you ask me, I think we should give her some time to sort things out. You should hear the conditions she put down before she decides to have kids.”
Sam laughed. “What conditions? Dude, trust me, I know women. She might have said that when upset but she don’t mean zilch by it. Every lady loves to have a kid, it’s in their genetic make up and everything is all about genetic make up. We’ve set the ball rolling so all we have to do is keep it in play till she succumbs. But we have to keep playing and our best play is to form a united front. Giving her any form of space right now isn’t a good move and it’ll come back to bite us. What we need to do is be in her face till she backs down. We’re the men. In evolution, it’s in our place to back her down.” He paused for a moment then continued.
“Look Eddie, I know we don’t see eye to eye on any issue but we can at least agree on this one issue because it holds for us a mutual benefit kinda thing. At the end of the day, we both get what we want. Think about it.”
Eddie seemed to think about it even as Sam stared at him expectantly.
After a couple of minutes, Eddie scoffed and turned to regard Sam with an expressionless look.
“Okay, Sam. You’re being very persuasive and I grant you that.
“Thank you.” Sam said quietly to which Eddie raised his hand.
“Not so fast, home boy. It’s not thanking time yet. Lemme ask you one serious question and I’ll need a straightforward answer to that. Any thing less than a straightforward question then we’ll both have to forget this conversation ever took place. Are you okay with that?”
All of Sam’s mental alarms started going into over-drive. But he nodded all the same.
“This is the question.” Eddie cleared his throat. “So we follow your ingenious plan and all that and somehow, we get Andrea to agree to have kids. Now tell me, who gets a bite of the cookie first? Whose child is she having first? Mine or yours, Sam?” His eyes never left Sam’s eyes.
“Erm… This is the deal, Eddie… Erm.” It was Sam’s turn to clear his throat. “We can always work out this between us. I mean, we have to be clear on this first before going to meet Andrea and all that but we can always…”
“Not so articulate anymore are we, Obama?” Eddie replied with a sneer. “You almost had me convinced with that gift of oratory you started with and all of a sudden, a question I thought you would have seen coming and planned for and you were rolling over your words.
You were right about one thing though, humans naturally tend to act according to their genetic make up and one of the most prevalent is the instinct for self survival which has evolved into selfishness and self-centeredness. We humans have become self serving.” He pronounced the last two words slowly for emphasis.
Sam’s face had begun to grow darker. “So what are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying that I can’t trust you as far as I can throw you, Sam. NO DEAL! I’d rather take my chances and lose on this one than take sides with you. We go our different ways on this. It’s nothing personal. Just watching my own back. You know… Genetic make up.” He winked.
But Sam didn’t finish because at that moment, the living room door opened and Senami came in. She almost felt a bump because of the tension in the room.
“Good afternoon, sirs.” The words tumbled out of her mouth.
“Good afternoon, Senami.” Eddie replied pleasantly. Sam didn’t say a word. He looked like he was gonna explode.
“I just wanted to get something.” Senami said and dashed upstairs to her room as fast as her two feet could carry her.
Eddie made to continue watching TV.
“Now listen, a-hole.” Sam hissed. “One way or the other, this is gonna happen. You think sucking up to Andrea will score you cheap points, huh? Ha ha fucking ha! Things will work my way one way or the other you’ll see. Bitch ass cunt!”
And with that, he headed up to his room.
Eddie never took his eyes off the TV screen until Senami rushed out to inform him she’ll be going back to church and won’t be back till evening.
“No problem there. We’ll be fine. Hope you told, Andrea?” Eddie asked.
“No I haven’t. I knocked on her door but it seems she doesn’t want to see anybody now.”
“Okay. You go right ahead. I’ll cover for you.”
“Thank you, sir.” She was out of the house in a moment.
Eddie picked up his laptop to type in some commands as he did some work. Not quite thirty minutes after Senami left, Sam was down the stairs all dressed to go out.
“Have fun, Sam.” Eddie said.
Sam only glared at him and banged the door after him.
He walked to his car intent on what he had to do. He needed to get his mind off all the bullshit that was going on in the house. So he drove to the studio where he buried himself in some work. By the time he knew it, it was after 6pm and he decided to go unwind. He drove to the Mall at Lekki where he decided to catch a movie and maybe score with a babe before heading home. He wanted to get home as late as possible. As he parked and walked into the mall, a sharp pang in his tummy reminded him that even though he had consumed a reasonable amount of alcohol, he had not eaten all day. It was almost 7pm. He decided he’ll be missing some minutes of the movie as he headed towards a KFC outlet. He made his order and settled down to eat when he saw a very beautiful lady sitting alone not too far away. “Just the distraction I needed.” He told himself as he studied the lady for a while. When he was convinced he had to move, he picked up his order and walked towards her table.
“Hi.” He said in the most baritone voice he could muster.
“Hello.” The young lady replied and continued eating her meal.
“Hope you don’t mind me taking this seat?”
“I’m sitting on all the seat I need now. That seat is available and it’s a free world.”
Sam laughed at this.
“A pretty lady with a sharp wit. Very impressive.” Sam said as he settled down the lady didn’t seem to hear.
“My name’s Sam.”
“I take it a lot of guys hit on you so you can tell when a guy wants to hit on you from a mile away, right?”
“Yes, Mister Sam.” She replied. “You got that right. Another day because today, I’m not in the mood for any guy’s sweet talk.”
“Too bad then. Now I don’t have to try this pick up line I just formed on you. It’s a pick up line that I’m certain wouldn’t fail. Meanwhile, you can ditch the ‘mister’, I don’t need it.”
She sipped her drink and Sam could tell she was curious. Curiosity, the hook that never failed to catch a lady. This one had bitten. It was time to employ the second strategy. It was time to haul in.
“Hmmm.” She said. “So if you’re so sure it’ll work, why are you afraid to use it?”
“Let me put it this way… Err… Kindly lend me a name, please.”
“Michelle.” She replied without a smile.
“Thank you. Lemme put it this way, Michelle, I….” He was cut off because at that moment his phone started to ring. He took it out of his pocket to see the caller ID and his expression went a little pale. He cut the call.
“What’s the matter, Sam.” The lady cooed. “The wife calling? Or is it the mummy?” She pouted.
Sam looked sharply at her. He wasn’t so sure he had any appetite anymore inspite of the hunger biting at him and he wasn’t sure he wanted to speak with this pretty bitch anymore. His phone rang again. Michelle promptly returned to her meal while she cast occasional glances at the visibly uncomfortable guy across her table.
Sam stood up and walked a short distance away to pick his call without even bothering to excuse himself. The lady could have been a finished plate of food right then for all he cared. He had a bad feeling about this call and it took just some seconds for his fear to be confirmed.
“WHAT???” He screamed into the phone. His voice seemed to echo around the mall. A little kid actually dropped her ice-cream. Everyone had to stop what they were doing to look in his direction to be sure all was alright. What they could see was a young man in obvious distress.
Sam listened some more. It was like the world had come crashing in on him. He grabbed and sat on the nearest chair he could find. His legs were giving way under him.
“You can’t be serious, mama. You just can’t be. I refuse to believe you.”
He listened some more as he seemed to grow much older right there and then.
“So I’ll be waiting for you here.” Sam’s mother was saying. And don’t think I’m going anywhere till you come. I’ll sleep here if I have to. If you don’t come, then I’ll know you’re a bastard and I don’t have any son. I’ll be here waiting for you to come and pick me and I suggest you hurry up because this is a garage and it’s dark already. It’s not a safe place to be at night. Ehen.”
With that she ended the call and with a clenched teeth and a determined look on her face, she put her bag between her legs, rested her chin in her right palm and waited for what would happen next.
You can like follow the story of Andrea by visiting and clicking ‘LIKE’ on http://www.facebook.com/Andrea.ThePolyandrist.
You can also follow me on twitter @blog_aces and request for a follow back. I will eventually.
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.