So starts the story of my visit to that ancient town in Oyo State. I was going for a wedding and I decided to travel with the groom and some friends on Wednesday because there was so much to be done and we had to help organise. We were to spend that night at the groom’s new apartment somewhere in Ibadan called Oki.
Save for a bumpy ride and when we had to stop at a filling station to fuel the cars and 1 or 2 guys flirted with the surprisingly fine female petrol attendant,nothing of note happened. Which is cool by me cos this is dedicated to Ogbomosho.
We got to the groom’s apartment in Ibadan around 5pm and we set about resting our tired bones.
Lemme skip all the silly things that happened in Ibadan and talk about the trip to Ogbomosho. It was really interesting.
We left at Ibadan at 5pm that Thursday with my phone sufficiently charged. All 4 of us packed up and we were on our way. We picked up another friend of ours on the way which at the end of the day proved to be a master-stroke.
After wasting time on a few things,the five of us were finally on our way. It was already 6pm then. The guy that we picked already called his babe in Ogbomosho to inform her that he was coming to Ogbomosho with four other guys so she should go to the market to buy foodstuffs and make dinner for us. By this time,I was blessing the guy in my heart.
A combination of bad roads, being pulled over by custom officials and an infinite number of trailers on our way turned what should have been a one and a half hour trip to a three-hour trip.
20mins from Ogbomosho, 5mins from a night market where we stopped to buy two tubers of yam for breakfast and right in the middle of nowhere,we had to park the car because the radiator was over-heating. So there we were after 9pm with bush on either side of us waiting for the radiator to cool down. We were outside the car laughing off the situation as trucks,cars and even more trucks sped by. No one was going to wait at that time to ask what was wrong and we didn’t expect anyone to. We joked about the escape routes we’ll take in case anything funny happened but thank God nothing did. So it was time to pour water in the radiator and there was no water for miles. We had no option than to take from the pack of bottled water we had in the booth. We watched as that greedy radiator gulped bottles after bottles of the water. By the time it gulped the eighth and last bottle we had,it was done and so were we.
We got in and drove the rest of the way to Ogbomosho.
When we got there,we were welcomed by a traffic caused by trucks and trailers. We decided to drive Lagos style (pre-Fashola) as we took one way to beat the traffic and it looked to be the wise choice as the traffic was about 2 kilometers long of strictly trailers and trucks!
We arrived safely at the bride’s parents house as the groom needed to sort out somethings. That was when we found out that there was an MBA exams in Ogbomosho and every and I meant EVERY hotel room there had been booked. That was where the guy we picked in Ibadan became a lifeline…
He had a room in a hostel in Ogbomosho whose rent was due in June so that was where he took us to and he had neighbours too that he said would accommodate us. We left the groom at his in-laws with a friend of his that had arrived earlier in d afternoon and had spent hours with another friend he came with scouring the whole of Ogbomosho for hotel lodgings. We picked the other friend and left for our host’s place.
It all started getting interesting from there…
When we got to where we were to stay,although there was power,the building we were to be lodged had none because it was disconnected for refusal to pay the electricity bill. We didn’t dwell on that a minute. We put down our bags and our host took us to go grab the dinner he had arranged for us. We were starving.
When we got back with our filled tummies, there was still the small issue of electricity to attend to.
You can imagine all the emotional torture of having no light and others around using theirs with reckless abandon. I mean,the only house in that area that had no light and I had to stay in it!
We were having none of that. We did what every normal Nigerian would do. We got some cable in the house and went to get a ladder so we could reconnect. In between all that,our host asked which of us would need water and I was first to reply. It was a long trip and I really needed a shower and I was pressed too. I needed to ease my bowel. The guy laughed and said if I needed to use the toilet,then I’ll have to go shot put because there was no toilet. We all laughed over it as we worked on getting the light back on.
Fifteen minutes later and the light had been restored. We checked into the room and it was comfy all right. Well rugged,a massive bed,LCD,a refridgerator etc. Dude was really living the life in this town and I told him so. I also told him I was really pressed now and really needed to use the toilet and this time he told me that he was serious,there was NO TOILET and it’s either I ‘shot-put’ or I find a bush to do my business. But dude said he’ll recommend Shot Put.
This time around,there was no laughter. Dude was serious! I was sure I had a look of horror on my face cos Horror was what I felt. To think I thought this kinda life was way behind me and it’s now coming back to haunt me. SHOT PUT. I had my secondary school education in the North,went to a University in the South West,so I’ve had my share of real messed up toilets in my life but somehow,I’ve managed to avoid the legend that is ‘Shot put.’
I know a lot of you ladies reading this have indulged in it a lot in the past and most of those that have indulged actually LOVE the act (trust me on this,I know) but I’ve imagined the scenario in my head and no way am I getting involved in it. And as for the option of bush,if it’s that grassy land around,I might as well be doing my business on the road outside the house. That’s how much privacy that ‘bush’ affords.
I wasn’t ready to accept what the guy was saying so I threw some tantrums but all the other guys hushed me. They convinced me it’ll be fun and that there’s absolutely nothing to it. They described to me how best to go about it but I won’t describe that in details because I want your last meal to stay exactly where you put it and in case you’re in the middle of a meal now,especially if it contains beans or looks anything like pottage or ikokore…
Anyway,in the midst of my quandary,I totally lost the urge. I had to settle for a shower. The engagement was the next day so I really needed to rest. There was no need to switch on the TV because I imagined you’ll sooner find a Vegetarian Lion than find a TV channel to watch in Ogbomosho. Our host had already stated that he would subscribe for the cable the next day so we’d have to wait. I plugged in my phone,saw a couple of movies on a Laptop and I was asleep.
Shot Put! I had escaped this day. Still had 3 days to go. What did they hold? I dreaded it all already.
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The Engagement,The Wedding and The Departure in that order.
It gets more fun as you go along.
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