December!!! But…with a Claus.

Yeah Yeah! Here we are again. Its a brand new month and we’re all grateful to God. Even more noteworthy is the fact that it’s the last month of the year so as we run that final lap,I decided to sit down to think about the reason why we all love December. Oops! Have I wished you all a Happy New Month? Let me check all what I’ve written so far… Damn! I forgot. My bad. Here’s wishing all you readers a Happy New Month! I might as well knock in “Compliments of the Season!” for good measure. Now that that’s out of the way,let’s get into the business proper.


– Its the Month of Christmas so why won’t we all love it? Its a well established fact that Nigerians love holidays so when a holiday looms,it’s excitement galore especially when it promises to be a relatively long one. Aint I right,you? (Pointing to you who is reading this).

– Everyone comes around. Yea,that’s right. Family folks arrive,friends troop in from whatever facility spewed them out. I mean,folks start popping out from walls. Everyone sees everyone so boredom is reduced to the barest minimum because you have more people to see and hang out with. There’s so much to see and also so much to eat,drink,eat and drink.

– And to my personal favorite about December (rubbing my hands frantically together); Santa Claus comes to town!!! Yippee!!! Sorry I had to save the best for 3rd but doesn’t it excite you whenever that old geezer pops up into town??? Oh goody,goody! So we have where to take those little rugrats to for the holidays. Do you know what that means? (snickers) You get a bargaining chip to blackmail them with if they get too troublesome. “Dennis!!! You sit there right now or you aint seeing Santa!!!” And the little gremlin finds his seat instantly. So for a Month,you have your home under control. If you’re good,you might actually get a gift from Santa too.

– And for the ladies,their wardrobes add some weight. You didn’t think I was gonna leave you out of the fun,did you? This is the time when they go shopping for new clothes and they squeeze their men for the shoes,bags and jewelries to go with those new clothes. Erm… That’ll do. Put the rest together. I’m outta here. (Runs away)

– Have you listened to ‘All of the Lights’ by Rihanna and Kanye West? Well,this is the time where you see them LIVE. You see light hanging from everywhere at night. Its so breath-taking. Both indoors and outdoors,you get to see All of the Lights. But don’t stay on a spot too long admiring them though. This is because someone might just hang one on you. It’s December afterall.

And now,where u have angels,u can be sure demons lurk. These are some of the clauses (and I aint talkin about Santa) that go side by side with the Month of December. Some of the reasons we aint so crazy about the last Month. The party poopers:

– The price of everything shoots up…way up. I mean,it’ll cost an arm and a leg for anything and everything. They take away all the Xmas bonus just as you receive them and then some. Real pissing.

– Folks tend to get reckless and yes I said it. This is the time when so many folks puts their foot down on the pedal and have their ‘Stupidometer’ rise from a bearable 10 to a suicidal maximum. I mean,why would you have to survive till the end of the year to now recklessly get yourself killed then. They celebrate getting to the end of the year and end up not seeing a new one. Just start observing and you’ll soon start seeing the nitwits. Speeding on bikes with their arms off the pedal and such idiotic acts… (Smh)

– And it will be a crime not to mention our crime lords and ‘crime fighters.’ This is that time when the frequency armed men tend to operate shoot all up. For those of you that played the game; ‘Police and Thief’ when you were in primary school,in case you grew up and didn’t notice,they now work hand in roguish hand. They also need to do what we all do in December so they get their guns and rob people blind with more frequency and intensity. But this year,God go catch them. Won’t say more than that.

But then,let this not deter you,have yourself a lot of fun this month and I’ll try my best possible to knock into your month my own kind of fun. Cheers!


Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.


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